Hello there, humans! You’ve done some wonderful things, like inventing videos games, satellites, and peanut butter! But you are not so good with boundaries. You’re kind of crowding us out. So this division is made up of animals impacted by humans. It’s time for the AnthropoSCENE division! Good luck to—auggh!(“excuse me…”) The tortoise and pigeon met on a warm road in Alabama. This peaceful setting was rudely interrupted by a logging truck, which came barreling down the road! The tortoise began to slowly cross the road, while the pigeon took off into the air. The pigeon was whomped. Feathers drifted down over the tortoise as it reached the other side. The tortoise – slowly! – advances! In a Michigan bird sanctuary, the honeybee set out from its hive in search of pollen and nectar. It approached a resting trumpeter swan. The bee flew closer…closer…closer… and then buzzed by the swan and right off
the battlefield! The oblivious trumpeter swan is the winner! As the sun set over Pinnacles National Park in California, a condor couple and their new chick settled in for the night in a cave. A little brown bat passed by, looking for tasty insects. Unfortunately for the bat, it flitted a bit too close to the protective condor parents, which vomited all over the animal! Condor puke is extremely acidic. The poor little brown bat fizzles out of the competition. PAL: “Party till you puke. The condor advances.” Deep beneath the waves of the eastern Atlantic, the bogue and cuttlefish faced off. The bogue “booped”first, but the cuttlefish struck back in a flurry of tentacles. The bogue was trapped, and finally booped no more. The cuttlefish wins! MC, I’m here in Seneca Falls, New York, to report on another rodent versus feline battle. The brave little chinchilla was searching for shelter when the house cat noticed its movements…and pounced. [“auggh!”] It was if millions of rodent voices cried out in terror, and were suddenly silenced. There was terrible carnage. The house cat wins. In Western Australia, a monarch butterfly flitted about. A hungry thylacine approached. The butterfly took no notice, until the thylacine attacked! – and chomped a nearby bandicoot. The butterfly opted to flutter on by and left the field of battle. “Fly! Fly, my pet! Let the beating of your wings ignite the hurricane of my glorious second coming! Tell the world The Monarch shall return – oww!” The thylacine takes it one bite at a time and advances. In northern Australia, a feral camel ran into some humans hoping to capture it for camel racing. The camel fought back, spitting right into the face of his would-be captor! The disgusted human retreated, wiping her face, and also wiping the demodex face mite right out of the tournament! The feral camel advances. Picture, if you will, a raccoon, happily hunting crayfish in the Everglades. Suddenly, its dinner is interrupted by a hungry panther! The raccoon drops its half-eaten crayfish in the chaos. But wait! What is that lurking inside that crayfish? [“The Green Slime” No! It is the chytrid fungus, now exposed
and shriveling in the hot Florida sun. PAL: “A free meal and a win. The Florida panther advances.” And that concludes the first round of the AnthropoSCENE division! How are you humans doing down there,
anyway I am very glad that we are up here in space. Join us on Wednesday for the Double Trouble Division battles! I am MC Marmot. Wash your hands, and thank you for watching.