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CATS ARE DESTROYING THE WORLD – Dan and Phil play: Battle Cats!

CATS ARE DESTROYING THE WORLD – Dan and Phil play: Battle Cats!


Phil: Hello! Dan and Phil Games (Dan: *hisses*) Phil: Angry felines Dan: Ba- (Phil: You got that one right!) *laughter* Thank you Phil: You did the right thing Dan: And welcome to: Battle Cats (offscreen meow) Phil: *deep voice* Battle Cats (Dan: See what) Dan: Phil did there (Phil: Yeah) Phil: So I like to have a little sniff around the comments and quite a few of you (Dan: In a non creepy way) Phil: Maybe a little bit creepy. Phil: Have been saying “Play Battle Cats!” Phil: And I trust your judgement so that’s what we’re gonna do (Dan: So here we are) Yeah Dan: Now the developers of this game called Ponos in Japan actually reached out to us Dan: To sponsor this video (Phil: Reach) Dan: Because of the little competition thing that we’ll talk about later, for you creative types Dan: But until now let’s uh- (Phil: Let’s-) dive into the- kitty litter. Phil: Hang out with those *weird accent* Kittayyez Phil: I hope it’s not used kitty litter that we’re diving into.. Dan: I mean probably I dunno- (Phil: Just fresh. Wintergreen scented- Right!) Phil: Battle Cats! Phil: I’ve dipped my feet into the kitty infested waters Phil: And played a little bit of Battle Cats- Dan is brand new Dan: I have no idea what to expect (Phil: He’s a newborn kitten) I- What do I think it is, is like- Dan: Pokémon with cats? I’m not sure, we’ll see Phil: It’s a tower defense game… With cats! Phil: Ev- Everything is improved with cats! (Dan: *laughing offscreen*) Phil: We have quite an epic intro as well are you ready- (Dan: Wait wait wait there’s lore?) There is lore, there’s a backstory Dan: Wait so this is a tower defense game about cats with a story (Phil: Yep) Phil: *reading screen* (Dan: Global issues.) Phil: *reading screen* (Dan: Wow) Phil: *reading screen* (Dan: Okay sure) Phil: *reading screen* (Dan: Because?) Phil: *reading screen* (Dan: That would happen- Okay- yes) Yes (Dan: Yes I see that) Dan: If they wanted to they could take over (Phil: *reading screen*) Oh man this is heavy, okay Phil: *reading screen* Dan: My god it’s already begun! *dramatic music* (Phil: *Scared??? moaning noise??) This is a true story (Phil: Busted) Dan: This is like, the reality that’s happening in like ten years (Phil: It is) Cats could just invade and we’d do nothing Dan: Wow, (Phil: That’s-) that’s a very strong aesthetic there (Phil: That’s why they’re in our house) Phil: I love that, I think that’s what the inside of my brain looks like (Dan: Especially that one next to the word “battle”) *giggle* Dan: I imagine that’s Phil’s brain most of the time (Phil: Meow) Doy! Phil: I will not argue with that (Dan: So give me a- tinker..) Phil: Give you a tinker? (Dan: I’m sorry) ~You should be~ Phil: So you are playing as the cats, which are plundering Earth (Dan: *laughs*) Dan: So wait- So- So the campaign is literally the cats slowly (Phil: Yeah) take over the entire world? Phil: So I can scroll through this, if you see your hometown give us a shout (Dan: *says something I couldn’t make out sorry* Okay wow) Phil: So Dan why don’t you have a go at Mongolia (Dan: I’ve always wanted to) Destroy Mongolia? Dan: Genghis Kahn Simulator™ Dan: So tower defense game (Phil: Yep) Is that a base? (Phil: That’s our base) cat hut Phil: Which also is a cat cannon that comes out of it’s nose, and these are the attackers (Dan: Okay- is that a dog?) Phil: I- I think it might be a dog (Dan: Dogs are great) So- (Dan: I’m on team dog can I just let them come and destro-) No Phil: At the bottom you choose your cat (Dan: Okay) so press a cat Phil: And then that releases one from our army- (Dan: I have secreted a punching cat Phil: He has thicc arms ~Phil, honey, no~ Dan: A- a punching cat that is apparently biting it’s enemies Phil: Yeah and if you see the moneys accruing at the top- Phil: Is that the right word? Accruing? (Dan: Did you just bust out the word accruing?) Accruing Phil: That means you can afford more expensive cats that I’ve got below (Dan: Okay) Phil: And also, where it says level one, (Dan: Yeah) that increases how much money we make Phil: So the little cats in the money factory (Dan: Right so you can-) and they can- Dan: Either buy creatures or you can save it up to get more money (Phil: Yep) Phil: And Danny you might be thinking “What is that thing that says ‘Fire’ in the bottom right?” (“Danny”: I am, there’s a big pink flashing light) Phil: Yeah, well that is our cat cannon, once that’s charged you can release Dan: Oh right so if your- if your- (Phil: The nose lasers) losing miserably and you’re dying Dan: Which I’m not cause this hench cat is amazing, I could just um (Phil: Yeah) Dan: Just to- Show- Wow (Phil: And finally that thing in the sky is my God cat Phil: We’ll save that for later Dan: It’s like a freaking wormhole to another dimension! What is happening there Phil: I think we’re fine with this one though (Dan: Well I need to bust out some other cats because this guy here is not breaking) Phil: *giggles* Dan: Hooooly wowwww Phil: Now you can release that one and he’s gonna do some “dam-age” Dan: So that is why you save- So you like, got super cats (Phil: I got some super cats) So I imagine Dan: This would be harder usually, okay (Phil: Yeah) Dan: Well go Sumo Cat, (Phil: ooo watch this) just clap that house to death (Phil: *laughs*) Dan: And there we go the Battle Cats conquered Mongolia (Phil: Yeah) And then I guess you could go and upgrade you ca- *laughs* Dan: That’s your level ten macho cat (Phil: *deep voice* Macho cat) Dan: “Wall Cat” (Phil: Wall cat) “Brave Cat” (Phil: That’s me) “Sexy Legs Cat” (Phil: Now THAT is me) Dan: Can I please change Sumo Cat (Phil: *laughs*) to the Sexy Legs Cat (Phil: Go on then) Dan: Boom Phil: There ya go (Dan: There we go) I love how the legs are so sexy the cat (Dan: *sings* Sexy leg catttt*) is not even on the screen Dan: *sings* I’m scared to find out what you areee Phil: Should we do a hard level now? (Dan: You wanna chuck me in on a hard level?) Yeah (Dan: What’s hard?) Phil: Let’s throw the cat amongst the pigeons *weird bird noise* Phil: Swipe- Oh there’s the UK! (Dan: Hello, goodbye) Hello mother Dan: Phil, how many people have you killed as cats? (Phil: So many people) Phil: If you live in any of these countries I’m so sorry (Dan: This one says “Treasure Chance UP!!!”) Oo Dan: I wanna get some treasure, (Phil: Let’s do Turkey) let’s do this one Dan: I’ve clicked attack. Okay so, to what extent should I hoard cash versus spend it Phil: I think you’ll be fine (Dan: Trojan horseee) It’s the trojan horse Dan: With a UFO on it- Okay send out some Macho ones (Phil: These are actual humans) Dan: What does the Samba Cat do? (Phil: *giggles* Let’s find out) Let’s find out Phil: I think they just jiggle at them Dan: See the way I play tower defense is I’m so slow and patient Dan: Like if you could do something in 5 minutes- (Phil: It did a swish! D’you see the swish?!) I saw it, it was very fabulous Dan: I’d rather like wait 10 hours (Phil: Save one for sexy legs guy) WOO. WOO Phil: That’s- That’s what I wanna see (Dan: I could launch one now) Get it! We’re doing it ~Jesus christ~ Phil: *laughs* Dan: OH. MY. GOD. (Phil: I love it so much) Dan: This is the stuff of nightmares Phil: That is what every cat should look like (Dan: There’s like an angry penguin there) Phil: Yeah he does not deserve to live here (Dan: Let’s see, sexy legs is coming here we go-) Dan: Oh- (Phil: Oh shh) Wow my gosh (Phil: There was some) can you handle that Phil: Sexy legs Phil: Why is a penguin living in Turkey? (Dan: The money’s stacking up) Yeah Dan: And look, the laser’s almost stacked up (Phil: Always be ready to fire your laser) If could just Dan: Procrastinate long enough to fire the laser (Phil: Oh, we need more cats! Dan!) I’ll be fine Phil: No! (Dan: D- wha- Really?) Yes! (Dan: Okay I’ll put out some-) They’re gonna get our base!) Dan: Well that’s fine nah don’t worry (Phil: Oh my god) look at this guys- they’re fine- They’re fine- look at this army Phil: I love the art so much (Dan: Can’t mess with these guys *laughs*) I want the whole world to look like this Dan: *deep voice* Unleash the cat cannon (Phil: Release it) Phil: Boof Dan: What is this one then the last one? I’ll activate our special weapon Phil: Llama cat! Dan: OH MY GO- Is that even a cat anymore?! (Phil: I don’t know) Phil: It’s kind of intense (Dan: This is like the whole of nature is just coming against-) Phil: You’ve got crabs as well, there’s crabs coming for you Phil: Scr- Scroll to the next slot as well you’ve (Dan: Oh, really?) You’ve got more cats here (Dan: Right) Dan: Well what does this blue one do? (Phil: Go for it) Dan: It is an impaled zombie (Phil: Yes) Phil: Did you see how big it’s mouth is? (Dan: It’s “Vlad The Impaled Cat”) Nice *pun music* Dan: Uh Phil (Phil: Yeah?) Need to have a word with you. What is this. Phil: That’s the anime girl cat Dan: Phil: Dan: Phil: *laughs* That’s my favorite one Phil: It’s like the cat is living inside her sword Dan: WHAT JUST HAPPE- Okay- (Phil: Take our sword) OH MY GOD Dan: THAT JUST TOOK OUT A THIRD OF THE- Oh and then here we go (Phil: It’s kind of overpowered but amazing) The destruction Dan: Now I feel like I could have related to this a lot (Phil: Yeah) It was all going fine, lots of different cute cats (Phil: Yes) Dan: And then I pressed that anime girl button (Phil: And then-) And now I suddenly have a lot of questions about this. Phil: Do you wanna try unlocking some of the- (Dan: Well how do I do that) Other kitties Phil: Well press the cat capsule (Dan: Or rare cat capsule…) I mean which one do y- (Dan: Rare cat capsule) Dan: Are you kidding me? If there’s a choice Dan: So this is where you got your crazy anime cat then (Phil: Yes) I guess or something right Dan: So you can do one- eleven- There we go I’m spending all of Phil’s currency! (Phil: Oh!) ELEVEN DRAWS Phil: So all of these contain different cats (Dan: Come onnnn. It’s like- what’s- what are those things in Japan?) Phil: RARE Dan: Wh- The things- (Phil: The Gacha Machines) Gacha Machines thank you Phil: You got the wheel cat! (Dan: *snorts* YEAH! Wheel cat, sure Phil: Okay, the next one is you Dan: I identify as this fully (Phil: Yes) I dunno about you. It is (Both: The Witch Cat) Phil: And the next one is me Phil: YES! (Dan: *laughs* WHAT) ULTRA SUPER RARE (Dan: *weird voice* Uber super rare no less) Phil: The next one is all of our viewers (Dan: The Princess Kaguya- Okay the next-) Phil: *laughs* (Dan: Our viewers are: The Boxing Cat) That is you guys Phil: So you were kind of hit and miss until you got to the anime girl which (Dan: Oi) which was kind of overpowered and everything Dan: I- I was kind of gonna lose at the start (Phil: Yeah) there wasn’t I (Phil: So) I was underestimating the strength of the kangaroo Phil: I’d like to see with your new cats how you would fare against *deep voice* a boss (Dan: Okay) Dan: A boss? (Phil: Yeah) Phil: Let’s upgrade the cat (Dan: Upgraaaade the audience) Phil: Rocky music- Oh my god (Dan: Dun dunnn) Did you see what it became there? Dan: It literally just became a gi- (Phil: Yeah) Okay you now have an amazing afro (Phil: *giggles*) and a mustache I hope you’re happy with that Phil: That’s what you all have now (Dan: And then how is this going to upgrade) Ba da buhhhh Dan: It’s gonna suddenly sprout, puberty will happen- ROARRR (Phil: BESERKER CAT) Dan: It’s now the Dark Metal Knight Cat (Phil: That’s what happened when I went through the change) Dan: Jesus- Yeah Phil became Dark Metal Knight Phil (Phil: Yeah) *Both laugh* Dan: “I’m edgy now, I’ve dyed my hair black” (Phil: Hey!) “I’m not little Philly L from Rossendale” (Phil: *laughs*) Dan: “I’m AmazingPhil” (Phil: I am now dark marauder Phil) Phil: Are you ready for a boss? (Dan: Yeah where’s this- Where’s this boss *reading places*) Las Vegas- Phil: The moon Dan: *drops tablet* THAT’S WH- (Phil: That’s where we’re going) Dan: THE FINAL LEVEL IS- So is that like- Hawaii was the last place on Earth (Phil: Yeahh) Dan: And then, they got to the moon (Phil: The cats need to take the moon) Let’s do this, I’m ready (Phil: The battle begins) Dan: Are you proud of me Phil? (Phil: Yeah) I’m fighting a powerful- (Phil: Do your feisty-est meow) Dan: Holy shoot they’re coming okay (Phil: Oh my god) We need to stop that squirrel Phil: I like that the first thing on the moon is a squirrel (Dan: I’m cr- Oh my god there’s so many okay- quickly) You need to level up more Dan: Chuck out the sexy le- RIGHT GIVE US SUBSCRIBERS. GO SUBSCRIBERS Dan: Look they’ve got like, metal knuckles Phil: We should save up for a rare one now. Stack up da moneys Dan: Look, everyone’s dying but you guys. You guys goin on strong ~Boi my special move is throwing doritos at the bad guys~ Phil: Oh my gosh Phil: That’s who I aspire to be Dan: Tag yourself. In your self fanfic (Phil: Who’s coming towards us there?) Phil: Ohhh (Dan: WHAT- IS- IS THAT SATAN) Literal Satan (Dan: Okay) Dan: Fire the laser at Satan (Phil: I think that must be the boss) Well what do I do- Phil: I love that he’s holding a glass of wine (Dan: Our guy- *laughs* Yes Satan is very classy) Is that you in Internet Support Group? Dan: That is me. Satan. On a chair Dan: Oh my god okay uh I’m actually like-
on- (Phil: Whack your anime girl out) On- on the verge of doom Dan: Phil what do I do I feel li- (Phil: Use god use god) God? (Phil: Release the- This one up here) Dan: It just- I thought it was like a spooky black hol- Phil: *giggles* Dan: *drops tablet again* Phil: See? It’s the cat god Dan: That is literally Sistine Ca- Chapel God with- .. Cat-face on it ~Daniel doesn’t know how to sentence~ Phil: I want to think that god looks like that Dan: Wow so what could we- What could god do? (Phil: The Wrath Of God, Lighting Strike) Phil: Uh, all enemies will be blown to the castle (Dan: Hm) Phil: Health of the base- the cats to full (Dan: I’m still fine Phil: Or ro- Produce as many cats as you want for one minute Phil: I wanna see the lighting strike (Dan: Okay I fee- I feel like that would be a bit overpowered to do the other one- Okay) God’s miracleee Dan: Devil on a chair f- *laughs* (Phil: *giggling silently*) Dan: *laughs very loudly* Dan: Wow I mean this is just the forefront of animation right now Phil: Nice (Dan: Oh I’ve killed everything but the god- Okay- and I’ll fire the laser! (Phil: Come on) Suck it- Dan: We need some sexy legs (Phil: We need to kill Satan) We need more subscribers and Dan: One anime girl (Phil: Anime girl versus Satan) Go voc- vocaloid versus Satan Dan: I mean I- I thought they were kinda the same thing- surely they’re on the same side Phil: You’d think so (Dan: I dunno I’m just- I’m just puttin that out there) Phil: So many enemies (Dan: Anime girl is amazing- I’m gonna release those felines) Phil: I would be sneezing so much if I was on this battle field Dan: Phil you’d be dead Dan: Oh there’s one more that we haven’t used (Phil: Oh yeah) Should we use it? (Phil: Yeah do it) Phil: *giggles* It is Howell’s Moving CATsule Dan: I AM- Just- Abso- OKAY FIRE THE LASER. (Phil: Look at this) Oh my god- (Phil: Release it) Okay- Dan: This game- is.. Crazy Dan: This is actually- (Phil: This is what the end of the world will look like) This is- And I’ll fire the lasers Dan: I’m sorry Satan, you’re goin down Dan: There’s absolutely nothing you could do against this hoard Dan: They’re coming for you- (Phil: He’s dead he’s dead we did it) Yes Dan: I just wanna- Just- one more time (Phil: One more, one more) I wanna do one more god Dan: I wanna blow them back just to be disrespectful Dan: YES (Phil: Spin him Danny) God dad, blow them Dan: See ya- Whoooosh Dan: Wow Dan: I mean, (Phil: I’m having so many emotions right now) Can they get some kind of award for design I don’t know about you Phil: You did it, victory Phil: Woo! Dan: Oh look, the cats destroyed the entire world (Phil: There ya go) Dan: Is this a good ending? Dan: *reading screen* Dan: That-… Was an experience. Phil: It was Dan: As we said at the start of the video the people that made this game are doing a competition Dan: Which now I understand a lot more than I did ten minutes ago Phil: Yes to celebrate the 3rd year of Battle Cats they are doing a design your own Battle Cat contest, which I’m here for Phil: So I thought we could have a go ourselves first just to see (Dan: I mean) if we could enter the contest (Dan: I was thinking) Dan: Like what would this be- But now I know that the realm of possibility is literally anything Phil: Just choose a cat and merge it with any object on Earth (Dan: Your fav thing) Phil: And then you can make a new Battle Cat Phil: Alright, pen and paper, Dan- Oop- Dan: You nearly just papercut my nose- (Phil: Oh my god) Could you imagine (Phil: I’m so sor- *laughs*) Dan: Dan’s face splits in half Phil: Erm, I think we should give ourselves 30 seconds Phil: To design our own Battle Cat Phil: Gimme something to lean on- (Dan: Oh god) Phil: Let’s use some of the foam I knocked off the wall (Dan: *sings* I need somebody to lean on) Phil: This is still not stuck on the wall Dan: It’s the stuff of nightmares and- (Phil: *giggling* I know what you mean) And- And (Phil: I thought “This looks relly good” in my head) pure terror Phil: This is what always happens (Dan: Oh sweet god) When I try to do art (Dan: Please spare me) Dan: Yes I’M DONE, RIGHT Phil: I’m done- (Dan: Oh god) Phil: The Houseplant Cat Dan: THE PLANT’S A CAT (Phil: Yes!) Dan: I like that, Phil *much encouragement* (Phil: And it’s also got cannons) Dan: And it’s got- Cannons- that look like-.. Phil: Hey- Wh- *laughs* It does look a bit inappropriate- I promise that is a (Dan: I mean) cannon Dan: This is a game with Bondage Cat and Sexy Legs cat so I- I’m not gonna say anything- Phil: I’m trying to make it- fire a cannon (Dan: PHIL JUST STO-) Dan: You’re trying to make it fire a cannon ba- Are you ki- Phil- put that down- (Phil: Okay) I’m sorry Dan: Please don’t flag this video Phil: *laughing* What about you? Dan: Oh god, we shoulda just- Quit while we were ahead- Uh- Mine is Dan: CATye Phil: Nice (Dan: There we go- Um, he’s wearing Yeezys) Oh, little cat yeezys Phil: I don’t think ours are gonna win the competition Dan: Uh, no, but I think we illustrated the point quite well Phil: So draw your own Battle Cat combination and tweet it or Facebook it or Instagram it with the hashtag NextBattleCat Dan: And then the developers at Ponos will choose one and then your cat could be in the game (Phil: You could be in the game) Dan: And I think the runners up get that cat food which helps them- The cat god- smite everybody Phil: I’m gonna be searching the hashtag though I’m excited to see your catty (Dan: I might actually just enter this) Dan: Get a ghost account even though I- (Phil: Don’t do it) Yeah it’s fine Phil: So if you wanna play Battle Cats there is a link below to download it Phil: It is free on the Apple App Store and the Google Play Store Dan: I mean if you’ve got that like “I really wanna destroy the world, there are these feelings that I need to express” (Phil: Yeah) Dan: “Also I love pets” Then I feel like it can be quite good emotional release (Phil: Yeah, definitely) Dan: Might go do that right now Phil: So give us a thumbs up if you’ve enjoyed this video Dan: Let us know if you want us to do more or any other, leave a comment in the description Phil: You can subscribe to our channels below Phil: Our last video’s over there and Phil: No animals were hurt in the making of this video Dan: Other than all the one’s that the cat just destroyed (Phil: Yeah.) Dan: So much death. (Phil: *meows*)

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